Daniel and Jocelyn, my future favorite parents in the world...

Jocelyn is still awaiting the birth of her and Daniel's daughter, Juniper. As are all of the collective us.

Doing my daily to do's. Doing my home and work stuff. Making time for friends, trying not to bug my daughter. She hates it when I bug her.

Waiting to hear from her. Calling her to see if she needs anything. I am beside myself with empathy and love. I want to make all of this as comfortable as possible for her.

My independent daughter. Sheesh...

Her due date is April 25th...oh my goodness. I have asked her, let me know when to come to town and hang out. I will be there for what ever reason. Actually, I just wanna get there now...

  
Amy with Helaina and Michelle with Helaina

So...a couple of weeks ago I headed out of town Santa Cruz way. To Boulder Creek. My friend since I was born is expecting triplets with her significant other. Michelle and Amy have a three year old PISTOL named Helaina. She is so darling, so smart and so way ahead of us old girls!

  
Their place is a slice of heaven on Earth

After a twelve mile forty five minute(I may exaggerate but not much...) drive up a twisty winding road prone to deer crossing on the dark corners and mud slides...we arrived at the Michelle Compound. Fabulous privacy fencing surrounding their little cottage in the tall tall red woods. A rushing creek below them. It really is a zen non palace. That creek below was RAGING after a weekend of NON STOP rain!

Pug and Bella, the two most relaxed pugs I have ever met!

I am there to help organize and clean for their incoming TRIPLETS! They both work full time and have a precocious three daughter, Helaina. My favorite darling in the whole wide world!

     
Helaina and I had so much fun. That blanket is hand made by Amy's sister and a gift for Jocelyn!

     
Cool sites of Boulder Creek (magic bus on Hwy 9), Camel Hill Vineyards (along Bear Creek Road) and Scotty (Best waiter in the world located at Applebee's in San Jose)

We did our best but considering three darlings are on their way (Elise, Elliot and Liam) well, I will try to come back in May. I know any extra help is welcome help I love my girls!

After a non stop work weekend, I am back to work at the cafe. Us girls thought it might be a great idea to put into action a MARTINI WEDNESDAY. Of course...for me it was strictly medicinal...

     
We began with the traditional and perfect Gin martini then moved on to something new for all of us, a French 75

Lexi, Steph, my son and I had proper decompression beverages for a long week in the middle. A friend at the gallery mentioned his favorite adult beverage, a French 75, a blend of Gin (already on my shopping list at that point), dry champagne, some lemon juice and sugar.

Can you say SMOOOOOOOTH???? Yes...

OK...home again home again...but, I must see my daughter. Her friend is having an art opening up in Placerville that weekend.

My beautiful daughter with my future grand daughter Juniper

Joc and I hook up for pedicures (I believe this may be ultimate heaven to any pregnant woman!), a nice dinner out and a bit of an art walk about Placerville. Not without a stop into a children's boutique to find several items that Juniper could not live with out! (the finger tooth/gum brush for infants AND the rubber pelican pitcher for pouring water over the baby in the tub...)

     
Joc and her friend Nicole Berry, Nicole's piece on show, a group of singing street mongrels in P'ville

     
Slice of Placerville Art life. The Street Minstrel's, an art piece called Flight, more Pied Pipers and a very cool mosaic guitar

Great night out with my daughter.

My cousin Sandy agreed to let me throw Jocelyn's baby shower at her home in El Dorado. Most of Jocelyn's friends and many of my long time friends are up the hill. Lots of family too for that matter. Thank you Sandy. She has a big house with beautiful green hill views. She had her place all decorated for Easter. The pastels made for a great decorations for the baby shower.

My cousin's Sandy and Connie (can you tell they are sisters?)

This is Jocelyn's third baby shower. She has scored on tons of baby stuff. She is sick of pink though. I knew to buy (almost) nothing pink for this shower.

We had a gourmet cheese place (Dedrick's Cheese) in Placerville do part of the food. Jocelyn cooked all morning preparing the vegetable platters (tempura root vegetable, vegan pot stickers and so much more). The food was wonderful and I do not know why I did not take any photos. Dang!

It turned out to be a reunion of my wonderful and dear up the hill girlfriends that I hardly ever ever see.

     
My friend Gaye with my cuz Sandy, Chris (on the couch) and my friend Jane, my Volvo Sistah!

Hey! Who chewed their gum???

I used most of the same games from the baby shower last week. Kim and I cheated as often as possible.

We ate some cake.

There was a moment of camera's going off as Joc and I posed together. My son is having NONE OF THAT!

Let's see...I shaved my cat...that is not a code for anything!

Miss Esme - BEFORE - picture all of that white hair ALL OVER MY HOUSE


Miss Esme during - see the pile of white hair????

  
Miss Thing after - behold THE LION CUT! (My son says she looks like one of the animals in Where the Wild Things Are)

We have severe hair issues. Hair everywhere, hair balls from her constant self grooming not to mention the poop deal with her hairy ass...enough said. We will both be much happier.

My son is moving back in over here. We shall see how that goes.

I have to admit that it has been awesome living by myself. I always have people in and out, but the place to my self has been wonderful.

My friend Joe builds furniture from recycled materials. I asked him to build me a book shelf. I combined three smaller book shelves (plus piles of books on the floor!!!) onto this one book shelf. We measured off a space and perfect shelving heights (don't you hate when you cannot fit tall books onto the shelves???) I love this shelf. He painted it red and put used shutter doors down the sides. It is awesome!

I have been trying to clean out and get rid of stuff. Closets, cabinets, junk. I sold some stuff on craigslist and got rid of stuff for free. I have too much stuff!

Meanwhile, I injured my shoulder and have been in so much pain. I see a chiropractor this week. It has been so terrible. I hate pain. This must stop. I had just started back to housecleaning, and this will not do!

My daughters first baby shower was this weekend! The other grandma put this together. Fantastic turn out. They needed three cars (two suv's!) to haul all that baby loot home!

Jocelyn is feeling great and more beautiful than ever. EVER!

My friend Kim went with me. This was Daniel's (baby daddy) side of the fam. There were a few familiar faces.

     
Hand made baby booties, a very cute family and a silly pregnant pal of Joc's

And there were games, of course!

  
Measure Mommy! and we also sculpted baby's out of a cube of bubble gum

     
Lots and lots of presents and laughter!

    
A cupcake connoisseur, a tub full of baby tools, the boys are mystified by all these baby accessories

Olivia, Jocelyn and Becca

These girls are due within weeks and days of each other!

Next week is another baby shower that my cousin and I are putting together. I am stealing all the games from this shower so that Kim and I can cheat and win all the prizes!!!! Yesss!!

Probably keeping me out of trouble, for sure. My trip to San Francisco with my daughter (last weekend) was wonderful times four. We needed the girl and mother/daughter time.

I did my last day of the chain gang on Monday. I no longer have to be up at unGodly early thirty on purpose any time soon. I even got a certificate!

Tuesday, the one day I had nothing scheduled, my plumbing blew up. My bathroom and bedroom became a poo pond. I cried and cried and called my landlord. It is in working order at the moment and he is going to replace the pipes this month. Long time over due.

I also bought myself another car so that I could give my Volvo to my daughter. She and her bf share a piece of shit Toyota. Honestly, I have no problem with that. He drives it mostly because his job is further away and her job is nearby in town. BUT, he smokes in the car, the windows do not roll down nor do the doors lock. The deal is this, I want Jocelyn to drive a safe car when MY GRAND DAUGHTER arrives. A shitty car for the young is par for the course. A shitty car for my grand daughter simply will not do.

So, I picked up my car and dropped off the Volvo at the shop to check out a couple of things so it is good to go when I give it to Jocelyn. She is going to LOVE that car. Hell, I loved that car. And this the very reason I bought the car that I bought.

We decided to make time in our both so busy schedules to get away together and decided to make a performance our reason to get the hell out of dodge.

Then my friend Katie and I hooked up with my son for a visit. He was in a quiet mood but it was awesome to see him, as always.

A long day but a very good plan.

There was some drama and I understand why Jocelyn is not loving certain things about her job at the Cozmic Cafe. Nevertheless, the show, performance and close went together seamlessly. Jocelyn is good at this promotion and business stuff. A born manager and musician!

We got home after midnight...I was dragging for sure but hoped a good nights sleep would revive me.

I woke up Saturday feeling more punk than ever. There was no way I was not going to San Francisco. We took our time that morning since check in at the room I reserved was not til 3pm any way. Joc had footwork for her Cozmic email Newsletter anyway. I pulled my self together, map quested the info and finally we hit the road.

All we knew was that we were HUNGRY! Joc had eyed some places to eat as we had arrived. Once we settled in we hit the streets for some serious early dinner adventure.

We had other plans for our evening!

Poor Jocelyn is so beautiful and so pregnant that any foot care is absolutely out at this time. Me with all my chain gang activity, well, any foot rubbin' can only be a wonderful thing. We found a shop able to work on both of our poor and tired dogs when we walked in. AWESOME times two!

The reason we decided to visit San Francisco was to see a play written and acted by Jocelyn's friend Evan. She has known him and been great friends with him since grade school up in Pollock Pines.

This experimental production is dark and riveting. Riveting could be a really bad word in context here as it is about the inner and perhaps remorseful thoughts of of Jeffrey Dahmer after his murder in 1994. He drilled into young men's heads to pour chemicals in to evaporate their organs so he could kill them and keep them whole for his compulsive distorted needs.

Check out the websites on the play and read more about Jeffrey Dahmer (he is all over the web), if you care too. At the end of the play, the director, producer and actor/writer sat down with the audience for a "TALK TO" session to address all the concerns and fears a production like this taps into what people experience when they participate in a presentation like this one. Their work addresses more fear (homophobic, midwest, Christian, parental, anger, gosh, you name it) than it does judgment. I was completely impressed. Check out this youtube if you care to open your mind a bit more.

The production was deep, digging and not sentimental at all. High Five Evan! The entire theater company was filled with heart and kindness. I hope to catch another play soon!

Our conversation was wonderful and memory filled for Jocelyn and Evan. His bf is gorgeous, respectful and oh so polite. Their theater company is inspiring, edgey and with more thought provoking plans for the future. Our morning was spectacular and we walked to our breakfast destination and still strolled back to the our hotel. Stopping and scoring at the Goodwill thrift store just up the block.

My friends were present and so supportive. Many did not know mom at all but were there for me. Thank you.

My daughter sand a song that my aunt Liz wrote that my mom and I both love. "Only the Rocks Live Forever". She did a beautiful job. I have to tell you, she is quite pregnant and it was awesome to see her balance that guitar over her belly to play. Thank you Jocelyn.

We did a photo collage of mom and played a song that she wrote and that my aunt Liz sang. It even made it on the Billboard's song hits charts back in the seventies called "Love is Ending". It was wonderful to hear everyone's reactions to the song and photos. Mom has had a happy, traveled and party filled life with many friends and always family present. I am certain that no one felt left out.

My cousin Lynn sang "Amazing Grace". Holy Cow, she even had sing along at one point. Very impacting and not a dry eye in the house after that...

We had an open mic, my brother was first and very heartfelt with his words of his life with mom. More folks got up including my son. Everyone did a fine job in celebrating mom's life.

Pastor Nick brought it home with a Cowboy Poem and a little gospel. Then my friends, Bogden and Quentin, sang the Beatles song, "In My Life".

After this, my cousin Sandy was kind enough to let us use her place for a get together in honor of mom. Family and friends took the time to come together, reunite and eat and drink in her honor. My cousin Connie also helped with this big chore of feeding and beveraging this crew.

It really was a fine outcome to a sad occasion.

And now, I finally get to get down to the business of missing my mom.

So...right after all this stuff gets done I finally have to finish up this paid late speeding ticket drivers/license nonsense that has been haunting me by fulfilling the final step to all of that: the Sheriff's work program for five days.

I have two days full filled and have two more days straight to complete. I will finish up next Monday as I am taking my daughter to SF to see a play and have a girl night away with just her and I!

This work program is just what you might expect. Early hours at a van and tool filled lot filled with cops and felons. They keep us girls together and I had the fortune to hang with several of the same girls the past two days.

It is hard work. Shoveling, digging, raking, mowing, weed eating, weeding, strenuous and monotonous. But, despite how they try to scare the hell out of you about it, so far, everyone is pretty nice. Nine hour days. Non stop labor intensive busy work.

I am so beat. So beat. And the people are a whole 'nother blog. I promise I will share that. You will crack up. There really are crack head felons in Yolo County.

Anyway, xanga buds, that wraps up that. I am exhausted. I am going to post the photos you have already seen and hit the hay so I can get up early tomorrow and clean a highway somewhere.

A last photo of mom with my brother and my son this past Christmas

I have to work on mom's eulogy. My cousin Sandy was over on Saturday and we got the ball rolling. She is giving mom's eulogy.

Sandy, said champagne and mom's bible

We drank champagne and remembered some really sweet memories of mom. And my dad, and her husband, Dan. The whole family really. We have had some pretty funny family moments over the years. Champagne inspired us to some degree. Then, it inspired me to nap.

For Valentines Day, I worked that morning at the Gallery Cafe. A downtown character came by. He is retired from the UC Davis art department. He was there in the hey day of that art department. TB9 (1962- through the seventies). If you have the time and the inclination, check out this panel discussion about that time and founding studio faculty at the UC Davis Art Department HERE (it is long, 58 mins). He is not in this but a couple of his pieces are included in a a retrospective catalog available at artgiftnet.com in the ceramic books section. The youtube gives an interesting slice of the energy and off the wall faculty humor of that time.

Anyhoo...my point being that this friend that I have made while working at the gallery is a pretty interesting albeit, strange cat. He would be the first person to admit that to you. He struggles with poverty and mental illness. The gallery had some big shin dig the night before and I offered him a fruit plate (he can't eat a bunch of foods for one reason or another, but fruit is a safe bet). He agreed and he had that and we drank coffee together and talked about Valentines Day (he asked me who my perfect Valentine would be and when I asked him he said someone who he had never met would never know and never meet again - he said, you just don't know on Valentines Day!).

I have two days off, kind of, then it is a whirlwind of mom, family and work. I have to get on mom's eulogy. And getting my place in shape.

How was your Valentine's Day? I can never be lonely when I have all you to love.

I heart you, xanga-hood.

"I am not the perfect mother and I never will be
You are not a perfect daughter and you never will be
But put us together and we will be the best mother and daughter we would ever be."
Zoraida Pesante

My mom passed on Tuesday, January 26th at 2:30 am.  She is indeed set free and I am happy that she is at peace.

I love my mom and I know she has not been happy and her health has been failing. She is a tenacious and focused woman who always exceeds any expectation. She is a person that likes to have her way and will do the work to attain it. Her frustration with her increasing handicap has really been a blow to her otherwise strong demeanor.

She is with everyone she loves now. Her first husband, Bob my dad, her last husband, Daniel, her sister Donna, my brother Jim. Her sister Pat and a brother, Clinton. Not to mention my pals Tracy and Paul. She is being greeted and welcomed by some wonderful souls and long lost favorite pets.

I sigh a big relief for the end of her pain.

So, I have been busy with the foot work and appointments.

 This is Jocelyn tending bar at the cafe she works at (she also books music shows, she is so cool!!!) look at her darling belly!

Michael

My son visited over night as well. It was good to see him.

My foxy cousin Sandy. We have the same birthday. BUT, I drive a station wagon and she drives a new Mustang...

My brother has been drunk. He is at mom's house (where he lives) getting wasted and calling me threatening to get an attorney if I do not provide him with the will. There is no will but there is a bunch of Trust documentation. I am the executor of her estate. I really cannot do anything with anything until I get death certificates. I do not need this aggravation. I am so pissed off about it.

Well, we know who the popular one in the family is...

Being pissed off resolves nothing. And please, he is an alcoholic and a mean drunk. I have been putting up with this for years. This is not triggered by my mom's passing. I have no sympathy for this bull shit. I am handling every detail, including taking him shopping and paying the utilities and so forth. I made an appointment to speak to an estate attorney tomorrow evening.

It sounds like quite a bit of family will be traveling here for mom's memorial. I set the date for February 17th, to give those out of state plenty of time to make travel arrangements. I do not feel that people HAVE to come I just kind of figured they would all want to. It sounds like I was right about that.

Although I am so excited about school, taking care of mom's paperwork has made me decide to drop my classes. Trying to do both would have me so far behind in school work. But, I will start again in Summer. I am so all about school. This is just a bump before I start in earnest.

I am still managing the Gallery Cafe. That is going ok. I really like working there but I would like to see an increase in business. The girls and I are plotting all kinds of interesting ideas to get people in the place.

Well, of all things, I need to work on mom's obituary. Ack...the Mortuary gave me a check list to work with to provide a succinct one for the local papers.  Should I include a photo? I think photos are always nice...

How are you doing, my dear xanga-neighbors? Any sage advice or experiences you can share to help along this path?

My day started out with a text from Elisa at 8am. She opened the coffee shop this morning.

From there I headed to the hospital to visit mom. She still has the tube down her poor gullet as her oxygen levels have been too unstable to take her off the respirator. She looked tired and irritable when I got there. However, the nurses have all complimented her to me on what a great patient she is being. I am glad that she is being this way for them.

Good News of the Day - they in fact did remove the tube this morning while I was there and put an oxygen mask on her. I had to rush out, so we did not have much of a visit. The relief of being off that respirator was very clear on her tired little face, though. I kissed her bye and told her I loved her then rushed home.

TO GET READY FOR SCHOOL! It actually started yesterday for me, but last night was just my yoga class. Today was the meat and potatoes of my school schedule. Three classes in the afternoon. Art History, Beginning Spanish and Beginning American Sign Language.

I am finally home from a long long day. I am exhausted and have lots of opinions and enthusiasm for my first full day of school. The teachers differed from each other. All the classes sound fast paced and interesting. Even the yoga. The yoga teacher is some hunky track and field coach who also teaches Pilates. He mentioned Power Yoga and turning up the heat and SWEAT. It may or may not be for me, but will probably still be good for me and my body no matter. Some sounded very strict and some did not. The classes are huge and cramped. In Art History I had to sit on the floor.

I hope I can handle this and not become overwhelmed. So far I am optimistic but still worried.

I finally got home at 9pm, ate a snack and was about to put on my pajamas when my cell phone rang. It was the owner of the gallery who is in SO Cal for an art fair. I guess the alarms were going off over at the gallery and no one  else would pick up the phone. Would I please go over there? Yeah sure...I was only a little worried about going in the place with the alarm ringing and all the lights out but once I got there and tried to unlock the door, it became somewhat clear what may have happen.