I picked up my son and my brother on Sunday so that we could spend some time with mom at the hospital. I made a picnic type of lunch. I smuggled in champagne, but she was much worse than I expected so we never opened it.

She was pretty much incoherent during our visit. My aunt and uncle came by too. That would be her brother Dean and his wife Jere. She never really opened her eyes while they were there.

I spoke to the doctor on duty and got an over view and it was not that good. Her breathing and her blood pressure are huge concerns at this point.

She became a little more alert about forty five minutes before we left. I hated to leave but we had already been there all day and I had to take my brother back up the hill. And I wanted to see my daughter when she got off work. Mom was on a forced air oxygen mask for almost the entire visit so we could not communicate much with her.

Anyway, I visited mom again tonight after work. It was getting late and I was rubbing her head again. Her RN for the evening was rounding up her meds and I told her I would go after she got those. I figured she was ready for sleep. My aunt and uncle, her brother Dan and his wife Gail, had visited and we three kept her from napping chatting her up. I knew she was ready for sleep.

"No," she told me, "the clouds. They are around the TV. I don't like them. I think they are checking me out. They left now."

I am so tired. I do not know what to think. I love my mom. She is alive but she is not doing so well. I want her to get better and go home and just keep on doing what ever the hell she wants to do.

 I am hanging in there. 

She loved me so much. She was a wonderful and different kind of grandmother. While she cooked and spoiled me like the usual grandmother, she was also very very Italian. I loved her very much and think of her daily. She was my dad's mom. She told me many stories of growing up in San Francisco with wild brothers who were part of the Union. Crazy prohibition stories. Stuff about raising my dad and his brother and sister in the city. She owned an Italian restaurant in the mission district. Her brothers helped to build the Bay  Bridge. Ok, enough of that story...(my mom used to warn me to never listen to grandma's stories, that she was too wild...well, see where that got her??) I have to blame momeggo for this little reverie!

I have been SO SICK for the past three days. I only was able to return to work at my NEW JOB today. Oh my dog. I showed up for work on time on Monday, feeling sicker than sick. I huddled at my desk in the far back with the little bit of work they had time to give me. The Ops VP came by my desk to welcome me and to see how I was doing. He took one look at me and, I swear, jumped back saying "WHOA". I promised to go home soon.

I feel like such a loser. To make matters worse, nearly half the office (of course I am exaggerating...a little) parading by my cubicle in the far back of the office to welcome me back and hope that I was in better health. I mean it. It was unreal. Geeze. I will show up early tomorrow. And probably forever.

I am enjoying the new job. Everyone is really really nice. I am learning things quickly, but I have done this before. But I am careful. I want to do things right. I am kind of a nose to the grind stone kind of gal that way. I look forward to being more than just the sneezing, chalky faced new comer.

My mom is back in the hospital. They cannot get her heart rate to stabilize. And this water retention thing is really not good. They are taking appropriate measures. She also took her first real steps since the surgery today. I am really proud of her. Her tenacity is kicking ass and taking names. I only wish that her heart and lungs would keep up.

Bog and Q play a show this weekend that I hope to go see. I think the kids and I are getting matching tats next week. I think that is all the excitement that my life holds so far. My land lord is being really really kind and patient with me. I am more than a month behind. He is willing to let me catch up. I think that the room mate situation will open up here soon now that school year is ending. Summer is the prime time to find room mates. I am so grateful. I am liking living here. The new new commute is not a big deal. Of course it is not a bike ride, but the commute comes with full benefits and probably a raise in three months. I have done far harder things for three months with nothing nearly as promising as that.

Since I have been gone they have opened a coffee shop and have some new people working there. Oh man, I just had the coolest funnest busiest two days. From start to finish. Thank dog there was coffee right near by! And tequila...several of us dashed out for tequila shots mid day and before the parties at night. I called them our health drinks.

I worked thirteen hour days both days. Friday night was the opening reception for the ceramic show at the gallery. The whole day was filled with all the registrants getting dialed in and organized. Forty plus schools here installing exhibitions all over in downtown Davis. Friday night was about pouring wine and doing the old meet and greet. It is great fun. Seeing all my artist friends again. They are, for the most part, awesome people. And everyone that lives locally comes out for this event, even if they are not ceramicists.

We had a bunch of rain. Things got hectic or just a little chaotic but really, things pulled together pretty well. Nothing was canceled, although, the big party that the gallery throws for the conference attendees was moved to the gallery instead of the artist's home we usually hold it at. Steph and I made a game plan, did our pre-event shots, we were ready for business!

This was something. Easily three hundred people at the gallery to eat, drink, dance and be merry. More than merry, I would say. In fact, euphoric!

We could not open the wine fast enough. I swear we ran out of ten cases of wine. Holy Toledo!  We gallery minions had a wonderful and busy time. There was a band playing every kind of dance mix tunes from old to pop to 80's. A fun mixed bag. The kids and I were dancing behind the bar. It was suppose to be just Jonathon and I, but it was so crazy that Ali and Marly (from the coffee shop) just jumped in and helped us out. It was insane!

I hope you check out the links to the artists here. Their work is amazing. John, the gallery owner, does a wonderful thing with this conference. It is hectic but the fabulous talent, energy, inspiration is palpable as  you wander the town and take in all the student works. The kids make this event special. They are all about the art, the work, pushing the limits, learning new things. It is not an artsy fartsy affair. But, when these folks let their hair down, dang! Good times are rolling!!! 

So, finally it was time to shut things down. Trash was everywhere, I ran around taking photos while everyone else picked up. We girls hit the streets. We had been invited to the cool kids party down at Bistro. San Jose State is one of the most amazing ceramic deaprtments going on and the department head is a total fox! We headed that away. Invited! How cool is that?

Tomorrow and Saturday I am working at the ceramics conference here in Davis, California. It is a big big deal. I worked it last year as well. The gallery that I worked at puts it on and I hope that I can participate in it for years to come. It is an inspiring and wonderful thing. Many many college and university art departments come to town to set up fabulous exhibits of their ceramics departments. The gallery has four floors of a ceramics show including some of the most amazing artists, teachers, ceramicists and sculptors in the world. No shit.

All the kids in town promoting their art departments just MAKE the entire deal. They are so talented, out of the box, excited, exciting, gorgeous and happy. They rule! The energy of the town just SNAPS! I can't wait to be hanging out tomorrow. Also, tomorrow night is the opening reception. I will be pouring drinks. A very special skill that I possess. I am very stokers.

Have to actually show up and be ready to work by 8am. A half an hour commute by car to get there.

Involves ironing suitable professional attire. A huge rat maze of an office filled with many many professionally attired people talking about professional things. Including television programs that I will never watch.

I am enjoying it. I really really am. I have been hired as a funder for a busy mortgage banker in Sacramento. They currently have ONE funder and they are closing just over two hundred loans this month. They are so busy that they cannot really show me much. I am sitting around, or begging for work while the funder and a helper are working in frantic circles and craziness. I am hoping that by months end next month I will be a great deal of help. (My son asked me what I did besides have FUN, as a fun-der...ha ha ha!!!)

I took the next two days off. To make sure that I am there for my mom, to finish up my housekeeping jobs AND to be able to help at the ceramics conference going on at John Natsoulas Gallery (that place that I use to work) this weekend. It will be wonderful!

Mom is doing well, so far. I will go see her on Sunday.

I am ready to go camping.

I continue to downsize as much as I can. I listed stuff on craigslist. Sold some things, am re-listing some things. I have to get rid of stuff. I do not want to move but in case I do, the less I need to move the better. The extra money puts gas in the car, at least.

So, on the job front. I interviewed a second time at a mortgage company in Sacramento. For an assistant position, the same type of job I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago. They liked me and offered me the position last week. On Wednesday morning I got the call and they wanted me to start this coming Monday morning.

Later, that afternoon I got a call from their Human Resource guy asking me to interview for another position. In the banking side, the operations side of their company. He thought it might be a better fit. We had me back Thursday morning to interview for that position. I met with two Operation Supervisors. They are looking for a funder. This is the person who reviews the final loan package and funds the loan, finalizing all the details and breakdowns and orders the wire for the monies.

I have done funding before and I like it. It has been awhile though. The interview seemed to go ok.  As we shook hands and said good by, the Operations Manager said that they would let me know next week sometime.

What? I am suppose to start on Monday for the other position? What is going on?

I emailed the HR woman I had been talking to about the other job and asked her what I needed to do.

She called me soon after and offered me the funding position. To start on Monday.

This is a good opportunity for me to get back into the mortgage biz but the rate of pay is pretty bad. So, I am not excited, like I ought to be. I am grateful. I am out of money and need work stat.

Jill Knight

She is a singer songwriter out of Cambria California. To look at her one might think "Oh, a girl with a guitar...wow..."
Well, wow indeed. She is awesome. A warm engaging personality and a voice that kicks ass to back it up. She plays all the strings on her guitar and she has a plethora of pedals and technology that she messes with to give her music a full sound as it was just her and her groovy bass player dude. Her songs were of the loving lost and having hope variety. She's got chops. Go check her out. If she comes to your hood, go see her live.

Ken Burnett, local mandolin guru. I see him EVERYWHERE!

Opening was a guy named Willie Norton on guitar with my pal Ken Burnett on mando. I see Ken everywhere! He is a wonderful mandolin player and plays with all the best local talent. To see him out in the middle of bum-frick no where was a kick in the pants. Willie was a low key dreaded dude playing country twang guitar and ballads. He was funny in a droll dry kind of way. A perfect opener.

What a great night of music. I have to head out to that place again. Packed house, bring your own bottle, friendly approachable performers. Fantastic. My friend Royce took me, along with his friends, Kim and Kathleen. Thank you Royce. Great night of music.

Tonight I am taking a California newbie out to some local Sacramento Gay clubs. I like to keep things interesting...

But, she is busy with healing and physical therapy for the whole hip thing. That is coming along fine. Successfully even. She is mostly handicapped, so it is not as though she is bounding out of bed but she is getting into a wheel chair with help. She is doing several things, with help. She is also being patient and optimistic. I am very proud of her. This current deal is just a huge drag and I know she is sick of all this, far more than I.

Saturday I knocked a couple of things of my to-do list (including yard work!) and even attacked a huge deal that was not even on my list. My friend, Fawn, called to see what was up and she inspired me to go through my closet. I needed to unload clothes that no longer fit me and switch out my winter to my summer clothes. Fawn is the size I use to be and I knew she would appreciate the clothes. We had a blast chatting, fashion showing, drinking tea and having a girl day. She brought her daughter Kyllea over too.

Kyllea was disappointed that I no longer had any bunnies hopping around but she is ever the precious trooper. She hung out with our boy George Bill. Mr. Bill was quite smitten with our Miss Kyllea. He clung to her shoulder, nuzzled her hair and bossed her around in a squawcky non stop babble that I had never heard before. I believe that pissy old bird was in love!

Meanwhile, Fawn and I went through my entire closet, dresser drawers, three suitcases and an additional box of stuff that did not sell last year at my yard sale. She went home with a garbage bag full of super awesome adorable sexy stuff that no longer fit me. She is a lucky girl. It is true. I do enjoy the retail therapy. So does she, when it costs NOTHING! YAY! I loved the girl day.

Of course, he may never date again. "Your mother has what??????"

I mentioned this to Fawn, she called Mario(the hub). They are both very excited about doing this. Us tattooed folk do have a strange sense of excitement. Well, just to make things a little weirder...my son mentioned all of this to my daughter and now she wants a matching one too.

I know. We are a strange little clutch. But, we are all stoked.

So, non-stop. My week is filling up fast, as well. No complaints. No time to whine!

I am listing a bunch of stuff for sale on craigslist. I am downsizing. I think I have to move soon. I love this place but I cannot afford much of any thing these days but cheap booze and thrift store shoes.

I believe that may be the chorus verse to my newest hit.

What is up, xanga-crew? Tell me what is good!!!

xxo Cassi

Headed up the hill yesterday to do errands for my mom. She is in a convalescent hospital near her home. I visited with her and we put together a to do list for the following day. (Which we accomplished, me with a hellacious but well worth it hangover!)

Started walking over to a new Spanish restaurant to meet up with my friend Kim. She has been pretty down and for good reason. Her job of nineteen years with the water district up that way eighty-sixed her entire department. She is currently unemployed and there are also a few other life disturbing caveats (breaking up with a long time bf) that only one thing can help.

Drinking in the Ville.

On my way over to the chosen watering hole I pounded on my friend Gregg's door. He too was in the dumps. He is dealing with having his heart broken. He is gainfully employed. And there is really only one thing that is going to help him through this. Paying for a night of Drinking in the Ville on a school night.

Hey there, it is Wednesday night. Karaoke at Powell Brothers just across the street.

It was time to hit the crosswalk!

My new friend Richard, the cool Jamaican guy with for reals natty dreads, he sang a duet with Amy (Amy is a long time pal and a fabulous singer). He also sang a Bob Marley song. I thought that was just too much in the box thinking, Amy and I tried to get him to sing Cindy Laupers "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". He had nothing to do with that...WHAT???

My Easter was equally as stupid. I drive up the hill where mom has been moved to a care facility for physical therapy for her broken hip. I stop by her home to get some needed items that we spoke of and to pick up my brother who has not seen her since the fall and hospital time.

I also pick up my daughter in Placerville to make it feel like some sort of family Easter. I also called a couple of people who do not check their email to let them know mom's newest whereabouts with phone numbers and addresses.

I do all of that while still feeling pretty punk and tired. I am glad to take care of this stuff so that mom can rest easily.

I will summarize my horrible day with mom by saying that they did not get her a fresh nicotine patch. She was an evil bitch. I ran out and bought her some and also food for all of us to eat together. But, it was too late. She was mean and awful to me. We stayed a polite four hours but I will probably not speak to her for awhile. She has a way of saying the meanest things and I am honestly not in the mood or health to deal with her. I cannot make excuses for her nastiness. She picked and complained about the food I brought, did not say thank you and accused me of stealing money from her. She was upset that I did not call her before picking things up from her home. But I could not as her cell phone was uncharged (I brought the charger). I get just pissed to think of it. So I shall stop now. She really hurt my feelings.

Maybe I will tell you about the wheel chair Easter Egg hunt and the lady dressed in green rolling around in her wheel chair bleating like a sheep another time.

My friend Bogden did call to invite me to the movies that evening with he and his pal Allan. I was thrilled to join them. As soon as I extricated myself from the wicked witch of the West and dropped of my daughter and brother I rushed to join them in Sacramento.

They were having dinner at the Macau Cafe in Landpark. A part of Sacramento I like a great deal. They were awaiting the highly praised dish called Macau style crispy pig knuckles. World famous by now. Nothing says Easter more than pig knuckles on a sunny Easter Sunday. The resaurant was packed. I had a couple of bites and those pig knuckles were actually really really great. Bogden commented that they were a good Easter meal, being hammish and all.

Alas, my energy level dropped and I could not go to the movies with them. I just felt worse and worse. They were going to the wonderful Crest Theater in downtown Sacramento to see a film called "Che" (a four hour film directed by Steven Soderburg)  about Che Guevara, the Argentine physician Marxist soldier turned gorilla fighter. I am so bummed that I missed out. I went to bed early.

I am heading to Sac City College counseling center to day for my assessment appointment. This will help me to figure out which general ed (math and English) classes I am able to sign up for. This should prove interesting. And probably sad. Poor old me. Special Ed. Here I come!

Cool kid/music news - both Jocelyn (Alak) and her boyfriend Daniel (pregnant, see link above) have been nominated for a Sammie this year. That is the Sacramento Music Award thingy that Jocelyn won last year. Her new cd has been released I just do not have a copy yet. So, as usual, I have a house full of kids this morning. I guess I will make us all some coffee.