January 27, 2010
-
Bonnie Joy is rejoicing with the Angels
My daughter Jocelyn with my mom at Thanksgiving“I am not the perfect mother and I never will be
You are not a perfect daughter and you never will be
But put us together and we will be the best mother and daughter we would ever be.”
Zoraida Pesante
My mom passed on Tuesday, January 26th at 2:30 am. She is indeed set free and I am happy that she is at peace.I love my mom and I know she has not been happy and her health has been failing. She is a tenacious and focused woman who always exceeds any expectation. She is a person that likes to have her way and will do the work to attain it. Her frustration with her increasing handicap has really been a blow to her otherwise strong demeanor.
She is with everyone she loves now. Her first husband, Bob my dad, her last husband, Daniel, her sister Donna, my brother Jim. Her sister Pat and a brother, Clinton. Not to mention my pals Tracy and Paul. She is being greeted and welcomed by some wonderful souls and long lost favorite pets.
I sigh a big relief for the end of her pain.
So, I have been busy with the foot work and appointments.
This is Jocelyn tending bar at the cafe she works at (she also books music shows, she is so cool!!!) look at her darling belly!
I went to my daughters 27 week check up with her on Tuesday morning. Nothing would keep me away. I heard little Juniper’s heart beat. So strong it lept from the little speaker that shared it with us.
Jocelyn is very healthy and glowing and excited. Her pregnancy is perfect. It was nice to spend a little time with her.
Michael
My son visited over night as well. It was good to see him.
My foxy cousin Sandy. We have the same birthday. BUT, I drive a station wagon and she drives a new Mustang…
My friend Kim and my cousin Sandy are wonderful and looking after me. I am exhausted and over whelmed. And fighting a stupid cold. Achew…
My brother has been drunk. He is at mom’s house (where he lives) getting wasted and calling me threatening to get an attorney if I do not provide him with the will. There is no will but there is a bunch of Trust documentation. I am the executor of her estate. I really cannot do anything with anything until I get death certificates. I do not need this aggravation. I am so pissed off about it.
Well, we know who the popular one in the family is…
Being pissed off resolves nothing. And please, he is an alcoholic and a mean drunk. I have been putting up with this for years. This is not triggered by my mom’s passing. I have no sympathy for this bull shit. I am handling every detail, including taking him shopping and paying the utilities and so forth. I made an appointment to speak to an estate attorney tomorrow evening.
It sounds like quite a bit of family will be traveling here for mom’s memorial. I set the date for February 17th, to give those out of state plenty of time to make travel arrangements. I do not feel that people HAVE to come I just kind of figured they would all want to. It sounds like I was right about that.
Although I am so excited about school, taking care of mom’s paperwork has made me decide to drop my classes. Trying to do both would have me so far behind in school work. But, I will start again in Summer. I am so all about school. This is just a bump before I start in earnest.
I am still managing the Gallery Cafe. That is going ok. I really like working there but I would like to see an increase in business. The girls and I are plotting all kinds of interesting ideas to get people in the place.
Well, of all things, I need to work on mom’s obituary. Ack…the Mortuary gave me a check list to work with to provide a succinct one for the local papers. Should I include a photo? I think photos are always nice…
How are you doing, my dear xanga-neighbors? Any sage advice or experiences you can share to help along this path?
Thank you.
Comments (37)
Cassi, I’m very sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling.
I’m praying for you. Thinking of you, and wishing you strength during this time of wills and preparations, and mean drunk uncles. Okay?
hugs and love,
johnn-o
Yes, include a photo. It just makes that announcement so much more personable.
And I thought school might be a bit much right now. Be sure to drop those classes so you can get a refund–stat!
@ItzaRoos - I did it today. Thanks, and I agree about the photo. I am working on this right now. Thanks Debi for all your kindness. You are a dear heart to me.
I don’t blame you for dropping, although school would have kept your mind off of things a bit.
I’m sorry your brother is a pain. I think you should put him in a car and drive him off a bridge. But, that’s probably mean.
I love you and am thinking of you, sending strong, positive thoughts your way.
My condolences. I hope the days ahead will go smoothly for you and your family.
First I’m sorry for your loss but glad she isn’t suffering anymore as well. Second off I don’t blame you either for dropping classes. Third; funerals are hard…they either bring a family together or they shatter the bond that held it. My grandfather’s funeral tore my family apart. Now my father doesn’t speak to any of his siblings. And my sage piece of wisdom…don’t be afraid to let it all out. Don’t feel like you have to be the strong one through all of this. My thoughts and well wishes will be with you!
You just take one day at a time, each issue, one at a time. It will all be taken care of in its own way and its own time.
Photos are nice, especially for those that might not have seen her for a while.
Don’t worry about your brother. Just do your job and take care of the paperwork, etc. It’s a chore, but you’re just the girl to do it.
You’re a trooper Cassilou. I love you. We all do.
Casi, my sympathies to you and your family and I’m praying that calm and serenity will once again surround you.
Sorry for your loss, but glad she is free. My Sister acted the same when when our Father died. I will hold you all in prayer that this does not get ugly
I too breathe a sigh of relief that your mom is free of pain. I know you are exhausted and I am sorry you have a rotten cold. Seems like the final insult. I’m not going to tell you to be brave or strong; just be you and struggle through. This too shall pass. Yes, include a photo. It’s a loving thing to do.
You are surrounded with love. Forget your brother. But Juniper! Juniper is your future!
Hugs and love.
Again, I am so terribly sorry that you have to do all of this. I totally understand and agree with you about school. I hope you are not penalized for withdrawing, especially under these circumstances. Your brother must be suffering as well but there is no excuse for his acting out and not being responsible at this time.
@unbridled_science - Robbie, the car and cliff idea is actually less mean then the ideas I have been coming up with. ALTHOUGH! My aunt had a genius idea of hiring a shady lady to keep me occupied and drunk and out of my hair…now, how do you hire one of those? Craigslist?
@mamahen00 - Oh Kate, listening to her heart beat this morning made EVERYTHING ok.
the only thing I can advise it to remember to take a deep breath every so often. Much love to you during this hard time. I know you will be in school next Semester!
I just think that is so amazing you were able to hear the sweet babes heart beat. that is so amazing!
My daughter in law has noticed that there often is a birth soon after a death… and usually the baby is of the same gender as the person who has passed.
I am so sorry for your loss but at least you have your kids and your darling grandbaby to take your mind off things for a while.
(((Hugs)))) to you, and you and all your family are in my prayers! It is so hard to lose a parent even though there is some relief that they aren’t hurting anymore. I hope things settle out well with your brother. Just let things slide off your shoulders. You can only do so much, and you need time to grieve too! Good call letting school drop for now.
I’m so happy you got to hear the little ones heart beat! That is such and awesome thing!
I am so sorry you had to cancel your classes, but hope you get right back at it as soon as you can. I also know you will handle all your mother’s last details they best way possible. As for the brother…..I have a couple of those……somewhere….I would have shut the electric off!
Cassi, I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathiies, and also have comfort in knowing she lived a full life. I am also sorry for the turmoil that your brother seems to be causing ovr this. I know you don’t need to deal with that right now.
I think including a photo is a nice thought. If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know. *hugs*
Cassi, my heart is with you. As you know, I lost my beloved father at Thanksgiving, and while I understand the relief that a loved one is no longer suffering, I also understand that makes the loss no less painful. You are generous scheduling her memorial down the road a few weeks to give people time to make travel plans. My sister was not so considerate, and as a result, my daughter couldn’t travel to her granddad’s memorial. It was a power trip on my sister’s part. Your thoughtfulness will be deeply appreciated by those who could not visit otherwise.
Only advice: Be sure to take good care of yourself at this difficult time. Be sure to eat right, and sleep. Drink lots of water and green tea. It’s hard when you have so many things that need doing, but you don’t want to get yourself so run down you end up sick. Take time every hour or so to stop and take a few deep, cleansing breaths. Get out and walk around the block in the cold, fresh air. Most of all, allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to cry. And, most of all, it’s okay to be angry with your brother. You feel what you feel. Bottling it up doesn’t do you any good at all, and it doesn’t sound like anything you do will do HIM any good, so you watch out for yourself, OK?
Hugs! Smoky
So very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and biggest hugs.
And if I were closer, I’d kick your brother square in the ass for you.
Thats is a nice poem and tribute. Sorry about your brother…..alcoholics are such selfish people.
Your kids are pretty cute!
Tke care of yourself…
xo, B
stay strong and trust yourself in the days ahead! my prayers go with you!
Came here by way of Piqued’s post. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss and offer my sympathy to you and your family. I love the way your honored her without putting it in the past tense. Just take one thing at a time and you will do fine. I always thought it was interesting when people but an older picture next to a current one in an obituary. As for your brother, I was in an almost identical situation when my father died with one of my brothers and it got uglier as time went on. Just be strong and lean on those you know support you.
I am sorry to hear about your Mom , its a hard time for you to deal will all these things at once
Cassi I share your mixed feelings about the loss of your mother : both the pain to lose her and the relief she won’ t suffer more . But this mixed feeling is so stressing and painful . And you are not helped by your brother .It is the opposite !
I understand that you cannot face more the shool at this moment .I know what it is when we lose a family member . Not only the pain but all the work which goes with .
Your children are your solace . Jocelyn who is making you a grandmother and Michael . I noticed Michael was in a hat almost like mine !
You have ll of my compassion, Cassi and my sympathy.
Love
Michel
I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother Cassi. I hope happier memories will help ease some of your pain. Much love sent your way. <3
Sorry about your Mom!!! It’s been a rough road for you these past few years. Take care!!!
I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. I’m glad you and your daughter have caught up with one another, though. I wish I had sage wisdom to offer, but I’m all out. I wish you and your family well. The passing of a loved one is never easy and there is never a right thing to say, but know that I’m thinking about you.
I’m sending a long, heartfelt hug your way.
As you know I have been through an experience not too long ago, that makes me relate to this on a lot of levels. And, as you once told me, even though things were far from perfect with us, she was still my mother. I wouldn’t blame you for needing to take a break from classes! I had to do the same after trying to go on somewhat normal for a couple weeks (I simply could not). I am so sorry that your brother is making things more annoying and difficult and I’m glad you’re remaining strong and not making excuses for his behavior!
you, Cassi! Thanks for sharing this. P.S. – I do feel that writing helps a whole lot. I have an essay about the experience I wrote back in September on the anniversary. Glad you are able to write about it.
Cassi, no advice, just sending lots of love you way
Hey Cassi, I L0ve yOu!!!
Sad time , Casssi . I think of you
Love
Michel
my heartfelt condolences. it is so hard to lose your mother however ‘right’ it is that she go. sorry you have to put with shit from your brother. stay strong, i wish you all the support of those who love you. be kind to yourself and don’t waste energy on rage unless it helps you feel better. *hugs*
RYC ; about hat . Yes Cassi the hat tells the man !!
Look at Michael, he looks great, he is nice.
Love
Michel
I haven’t been reading my subs on xanga or LJ as of late; I am so so sorry to hear about your mom. Love love love.
I guess you always are in a ambiance of sadness .
You have all of my support ,Cassi .
Love
Michel