January 14, 2010
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Mom is hanging in there…
I am feeling sad.
I have spent this week with my mom at the hospital. She is doing very very poorly.
So many things not working at the same time.
Last night she coded. Her heart completely stopped and they had to shock it twice to revive her.
She has been in ICU ever since. Poor precious woman. Her kidney is failing her, she has pneumonia and an infection in her blood called sepsis.
They have a couple of things stabilized (heart rate and blood pressure) but neither of these are going to be enough to save her. She is being supported by medication and technology.
I sat with her tonight for a bit. I was up all night with her last night (this morning) and hope to sleep tonight as I have to work tomorrow. I am waiting for the phone call.
I love her muchly and wish her peace. Safe, comforting peace. This is what I am praying for.
I feel so sad for her. Her eyes fixed upon me tonight for the first time in days. She has mostly not recognized me. I felt for her. I know she wishes now that she had done things different. P’shaw! She lived exactly how she wanted and did not change for anyone. She is a tiger. A tired and striving tiger. I love my mom.
I wish her peace. In what ever form that comes. God will decide.Peace to you all as well.
Comments (31)
yes, peace to her. and to you, Cassi.
you are loved.
j.
hugs
I’m so sorry. Keep your strength and stay as rested as possible under the circumstances. Your mom is in my thoughts.
I will be praying for both of you, for the peace to be strong in the face of all this. (((HUGS))) Please let me know if I can help in any way – a coffee run, anything at all
*wipes away tears* I remember what it was like when my dad was on his last legs. It is so sad watching them fade. ((((Cassi))))
I thought I was the only one who said “pshaw!”
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I really am.
I sure as hell don’t feel anything for my mother, so in a way, I envy you.
Stay strong.
Blessings to you Cassi and comfort for you and your mom. You are loved.
@Bricker59 - I say pshaw all the time!
I’m sorry : ( I pray for peace for both of you
I’m sorry for your grief, Cassi. May your mother find peace and rest. I just lost my dad a few weeks ago; I understand how you are feeling.
Know that we wish we could just wrap our arms around you and make it all better.
(((Hugs))) and prayers for you and your mom and your whole family!
cassi, this is a really hard thing to go through. i am thinking of you today, and wishing you great peace. i hope everything is gentle–every little thing
cassi I love you . I am sorry this is going on around you during this time. I hope the best for your mother. I know you love her. I know she knows that as well. Loads of hugs.
Cassi, my heart breaks for you. Wishing whats best for all comes swiftly to ease both your pain. She has fought a long, hard fight and its time to rest. God bless you both.
That is tough. I’m sorry. (((((hugs)))))
Cassi, when Larry got home I read this to him and I had a hard time getting through it because I started to cry, just like I have when I`ve read things you`ve written about Trace. To me when you conceded the fact that your mom lived life as she wanted to meant a lot… she did, so you`ve got to keep that thought. I know this is silly but when I make Larry`s sandwiches he wants loads of mayo on them and I`m always thinking… that`s not good for his health! Then a few months ago I pictured being at his funeral and standing up and saying…” He had good sandwiches!” another words he too lived life the way he wanted to so always remember that, your mom lived life the way she wanted to. I know you`ve been a good daughter and you`ve got to know that too! I`m so sad for you and your mom this evening, so much love is going out to you…big, big hugs from me, love, Vi
((hugs)) I’ll be thinking about you and your mom.
I know you must be exhausted mentally as well as physically and I pray for the calm and peaceful time for you and your Mom that I was able to experience with mine. Love and hugs to you!
I pray that you will all be okay and that your mother doesn’t suffer uneccesary pain or indignity. I hope you have your children around you to comfort you. Hugs to you. Xxxx
I am so sorry, Cassi…..*hugs*
Dear one, my heart aches for you. I don’t have any idea what, if anything, lies beyond this life but it’s got to be better than the quality of life she has now. Does she want the measures the doctors are taking to prolong this ordeal? Sorry, if this line of thought is insensitive, but I feel very strongly about this issue for my own end of life decisions. My family is clear on the fact that if they allow resuscitation on me, they are OTW.
@judyrutrider - What does OTW mean? I am guessing you are against resuscitation. Mom is on a resuscitator now and I have to discuss what we will do about this with the doctor today. My brother is freaking out and I am so overwhelmed by this responsibility. Fucking fuckity fuck fuck.
HUGE {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{H U G S }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
@queenie - I am for doing what the person who is suffering wants. I am neither for nor against resuscitation for soemeone else. For myself, I choose to die only once, but you and your brother are obligated to instruct the doctors to do what you know your mom wanted when she was lucid enough to express her wishes. It is your responsibility to put your own feelings aside and think only of her, an excrutiating thing to do at this time.
OTW is out of the will. In my irreverant family it is a common term. We only know of one way to deal with the things over which we have no control and that’s to employ humor. We laugh that we may not weep. Actually, we laugh and weep alternately, both bring relief in their turn.
I wish you had a sister like mine to help you through this. Babs and “I had a mother who sang to us an honest lullaby”. She taught us to face life and death not with stoicism, but with pragmatism. She taught us to examine our emotions and put them into their proper perspective. It doesn’t erase the pain but it does make it possible to do the right thing. Your brother is probably looking to you to be the strong one to lead the way. XX00
here for you always.
I am so glad you are able to be with her and that you both know how much you do love each other. Peace.
rough time Cassi, for you and your mom. I wish you both peace and I hope your trepidation eases.
oh, and Cassi, let me say this: “p’shaw!”
hugs ♥
I love what Vi wrote. Thinking about you.
I have been without computer last week ,Cassi .
I know what you feel and let me comfort you .
The words are scarce but they come from the heart.
Love
Michel