That is my new nick name for my mother.

She has had health issues this entire year. So far no huge improvement. Slowly and progressively down hill since she broke her hip in March.

She had barely been able to keep any food down up until Christmas but that seemed to improve when we saw her Christmas eve.

When I spoke with her yesterday evening, apparently she is in unbearable pain with serious hand and foot tremors. She had barely been able to leave her bed and only with my brothers help. She thought that she was improving and we agreed to talk in the morning, that I would head up the hill to check on her. She was to call if anything got worse.

In the morning I called, more info from my brother. Apparently her blood pressure was very very low. Yesterday it was 71/44. I do not know that much about such things so I google searched it and got educated.

The fire truck showed up with three guys, then the ambulance showed up with three guys. They asked my brother and I questions and we tried to fill in a picture of the situation. They all checked out mom, taking her vitals and asking her questions to see how alert she was.

To no avail. They left but all told me that calling 911 was the right thing to do. All told me to call them back if anything changed or got worse. All of them got back into their emergency rigs and left.

I had called my cousin back and told her that mom refused to leave. She said she would be over as soon as possible.

I did not go back to mom's room til Sandy got there. I could not stomach any more of her awful mouth. Her vile spew. It hurts.

Sandy got there and talked to her for a  bit. Sandy is a pharmacy tech. She went through all of her meds and had a bunch of questions. Good questions.

Mom promised to call her doctor first thing in the morning to get in for an appointment. If the doctor thought she should be admitted to a hospital, then she would go. My brother would take along the overnight bag we put together when they went.

Is anybody out there really ready for the holiday? Boy oh boy, I am enjoying the season but this year much of the shopping and spending hoopla is not in my budget. Everyone is getting really big hugs, though.

I was up at dark thirty on Tuesday taking someone to the airport. I have not seen that hour on purpose for some time. Still as painful as I remember it. You people that do this regularly for work amaze me. I am just not a morning person.

My appointment for the follow-up review of all that assessment and test taking was on Tuesday morning as well. Typical of a state or county program, lots of paper work and appointments. And very stringent guidelines.

I mentioned my interest in trying to get into a certification program for American Sign Language. There is a program that can be accomplished within a year and the costs are in the five grand category. BUT, it is through the state university and there are no guarantees of full time employment once certification is earned (this is a caveat of the Work Force Investment Act guidelines). Since it is with the university, one must see if they are approved for grants and financial aide, which I am. There fore making one ineligible for the full funds from the program. Just a small portion towards books and parking.

The employment portion can only be proved by an actual employer.

Now, I find that odd. If the Work Force Investment Act program is willing to write a check for five grand out to, say, Western Career College for me to become a dental assistant, what employer is going promise me a job once I am certified in a year before I am certified? How can that be guaranteed?  Also, that school is going to charge me more than fifteen thousand dollars for that one year program. I am responsible for fees and tuition over and above the five thousand dollars. This means I am saddled with a ten thousand dollar (or more) loan that I must repay once I complete this course.

My case worker is also interested in making it work out for me.  In the mean time, I am trying to contact the university about the ASL certification program for more info and I will be enrolling at the city college taking a course in beginning ASL, among other things. The deal with the city college is that ASL is a two year degree, not with in the guidelines of the Work Force Investment Act. I am really interested in pursuing this program. I also want to find as much financial assistance as I can to help support this goal. I will keep you posted.

We also tracked down my son, who is living in Placerville now, and connected. As mom and I waited for Michael she thought that she would like to go visit the new Indian casino the opened in Shingle Springs this past year. The Red Hawk Casino. I said yes, lets go. Michael agreed to join us. It was all of our first time there.

Mom tried out some penny slots as well. She lost her five dollars and we called ourselves done. It was a pleasant enough experience. I personally do not care a bit about gambling and the cigarette smoke is awful (definitely not as bad as in the old casino's). There was plenty of casino lights and noise for mom, though. Michael and I chatted about his goings on. He is putting together a portfolio to apply to the Art Institute for his music. I am excited for him.

We dropped Micheal off at his home and mom and I headed back to her place. My brother made us dinner and I headed home. Way better than Christmas shopping!

It is a dump but it is my dump

The holiday spirit is present in my home. I actually decorated and put lights up. I have not had the desire for a couple of years. The place looks festive enough. I am playing Christmas music and watching Christmas movies.

   
You would never know I was having a blue Christmas by the looks and sound of my place!

It has been raining quite a bit so I have been working, attending to errands and appointments and heading home to watch movies, do lots of cooking and staying out of trouble.

Kim's suv is buried in the snow, can you even see it? I know it LOOKS like beautiful postcard but being there for ten days straight, well, think of Jack Nicholson in the Shining...

We have been fortunate in that the weather, while gray and drippy did not turn against us here in Davis as it has all over the rest of the country. Up the hill where my mom, my daughter and several friends live, was dumped on by snow. In unexpected amounts at much lower than usual elevations. Power and phone outages for days, unplowed and undriveable road conditions. With still more storms in coming! The photo above is of that place in Swansboro that I had visited just recently, where my friend Kim is staying. (Kim took this photo of her front yard with her cell phone)

  
Shalene Vaenzuela's ceramic sewing machine and a shot of her show, those are ceramic ice skates hanging from the ceiling

I went to a couple of art openings in town. At the gallery I love and am now working at again (The coffee shop and filling in at the front desk, minimal hours but I think this may change by the first of the year) there is a terrific ceramicist, Shalene Valenzuela, displaying her quirky and sassy retro pieces. I have written about her before, her work is so fun and tongue in cheek. First I bugged Nancy and Steve at the front desk a little while.

Lexi serving up the hooch and a piece by Myron Stephens ( I LOVE this guys work, he is cool and so talented!) in the Christmas show

Most of the eve I hung out with Lexi who was tending bar and is also the wonderful barista who trained me for the coffee shop. Being back there on a regular basis will help me financially and so much more. I love the girls who work over there. They are smart, hardworking and inspiring to me. I never understand those people that wonder about the youth of today. I know so many young people and they make me want to be more!

    
Miss Stephanie with one of her collages and this larger mixed media piece that I LOVE (I am hoping to buy that one)!

The following morning before I went to the gallery to learn more coffee making skills I arrived in town early enough to meet my friend Stephanie for breakfast. AND to view her show hanging at the Delta of Venus. I am so proud of and for her! (And I met her handsome and very kind boyfriend!)

Further good news, I will be enrolled full time at the Junior college this Friday (with spring semester classes starting in early January 2010). I am very excited about that. Things are very close to my losing my place, I really do not know what I am going to do about that. I am looking for another room renter...Work at the gallery coffee shop is a God send, to be sure. I will find out this week about the Work Force Investment Act program that I have applied for. The bottom line of all of this is that everyone is going through these financially harrowing times. I am not alone. I allow myself two days a month to feel sorry for myself, then it is back to life. You either go get or get got. Someone just told me that and I love it.

The sting of my daughters anger towards me is still present. She sent me an email full of disappointments and accusations. I am hurt. But at least she shared what she is feeling with me. I honor that. She tells me that I am a danger to her unborn child and I will not be allowed to know her until unspecified changes are made. And only she will know when or if those changes have been made. I am crushed. She said I am a narcissistic mother, and sent me links about this personality disorder. She deleted me from her facebook and myspace pages. I do not want to defend myself here or offend her  in any way(as far as I know she never reads my blog). I will address this with the therapist that I am still able to see. I share this here because it helps for me to put stuff out there. Stuffing it has made me so depressed and giving up of all hope.  And I can always come back and delete it.

But I am pretty sure I will not. Give up.

Merry Holidays everyone. Bless you all.

I have stayed very busy. Last week was a social whirlwind including Thanksgiving. Friends and I getting together to celebrate and toast the holidays. Making new friends. All is always fine in the land when new friends appear to make life interesting.

Jocelyn and my mom

My Thanksgiving was very low key and pleasant. My brother cooked his heart out and everything was wonderful. It was a small gathering at my mom's house in Shingle Springs. Both my kids were there.My daughter has a little bump in her belly where her baby is growing. She looks just beautiful!

The clan chowing down. My brother, the chef, is the blurry fellow in the tank top.

My daughter is pissed off at me for having recently dated a loser ex boyfriend from seven years ago for a couple of months. Somehow he landed in Davis and looked me up. He was a parasite then and while charming now, still a parasite. Ever the optimist, I enjoyed his contrite promises that fell far short from the mark. Anyhoo, I brought him to a gathering for my mom's b'day a couple of weeks ago. He has since been terminated from his dating position with this firm. Neverhtheless, my daughter, the hard ass grudge holder that she is (bless her) is not talking to me. So, Thanksgiving was interesting with her ignoring me and pretty much just being rude to me every opportunity. There that is. I am use to this. Sigh...However, my son and her significant other (the daddy of my grand baby!) were not.

I brought pie and a fabulous salad (my mother, "A green salad? Nobody eats salad")  and cleaned up

I am not allowed to any more choose either men or cars. I am still allowed to shop for groceries and shoes. But Men and Cars, absolutely not to be allowed out with out a leash and a chaperone.

Dog as my witness, I shall make perfect foam once again...

I have also worked at the gallery a bit. Friday night after T'day and I am also doing some barista training for the coffee shop on this past Saturday. This will be fun. I use to work at a coffee shop some time back. I loved it, but it has been a while. I have to remember how to make good foam! No simple task!

Yeah, right...

OK...this week has been all about attending the Goals Assessment classes that I need to complete as part of my application for the Work Investment Act through the Yolo County Employment Development Department. The past two days have been early to rise and ready for the tasks at hand. Day one included a number of tests including vocabulary(80 words), reading comprehension (five essays) and MATH WITH OUT A CALCULATOR. Oh yes, math just like the old days. A writing instrument and a slice of paper. Fingers and toes if you have NO pride left what so ever. These equations included multiplication and division of mixed fractions and percentages. My head is still reeling...and algebra...that planet I did not even step foot on. I did my best but am still having equation flash backs of those that I did not have time to finish...damn it 21/50%!

Grab your pie graph and come with me...

We investigated personality types assigned by color (this test reveals plenty about you but also helps you understand about how to interact with other types of personalities, we all have something to learn from each other). We also prioritized our strengths and interests to find out what Holland Type we were. I am an Artist/Realist. But mostly Artist. Not very positive as far as job prospects go...ack...We also completed an intensive questionnaire of like two hundred questions called COPSystem to discover interest scores related to Occupational Clusters. My strong suit here is Communication, Skilled Arts and Skilled Service. Once again, my future is looking pretty dim...

So, all of THAT was day one, if you can imagine. Day two was kind of fine tuning and scoring of the those tasks. I discovered that I am an Orange with a Blue back up personality type. Orange is an extroverted, adventurous risk taker, among other things. Me? Blue is harmonious, creative and intuitive. Nice back up. Gold was a close runner to the blue by two points. Dependable, organized and stable. I have days like that for about seven minutes every season...

We were back on the computer today investigating different types of employment opportunities that fit our personalities but that were also something we could be able to train within a short time. This means some kind of certification within six to twelve months. We had access to a site that listed a plethora of employment opportunities that detailed the job characteristics, environment, state employment outlook, typical pay, prep and tips. Awesome.

We had to detail two such short term jobs and one long term ideal (education wise) jobs to be included with our career package. For the finale we had to write our personal, transferable and actual job skills for the future.

I realize this sounds so relentless and mind stretching. It is. Finally, you have condensed all that stuff down to some basic things you like best. I am certain that there are things that you do very very well. This does not mean that you like them. The things you do well can only enhance the things that you like to do. Imagine that!?

Ok, so, I am Miss Art Skill Communication Cheer Leader. Oh yeah, I am gonna find that on craigslist. But, at least I will quite trying to squeeze into Miss Efficient Analyzing Micro Skill Manager Life Hating Money Squeezer...Right?

The next step is for my case manager to analyze all my test and skill tests to see if my job goals ad up to some sort of funding for short term education to get me EMPLOYED gad dummit.

All I know is that all this took was my time and a little gas money. It has been very interesting. I, of course, met a ton of interesting people. I am more self actualized then ever.

Now, come on, you have way more cool and employable friendly skills than I have dontcha? YOU DO! Find out if you have something like this in your county. Research. Start with the Employment Development Office. Ask about re-education and under-employed and dis-placed workers. Understand that these are funds for short term education to become certified at something that you can be employed with full time within the next year.

I am looking towards Sign Language and Parks and Recreation with a long term goal of Art History, working with kids and museums and galleries.

Happy Holidays.