May 6, 2011
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Smothers Day
Mom is the word of the day this week.
What,with the Hallmark holiday on the horizon.
My mom passed and this will be my second mom’s day with out her. Last year I spent it with my daughter and her new daughter, Juniper.
This year I will spend it with my dear friend, Carrie and then later, dinner with my son.
I am having flowers delivered to my daughter. She will not see me.
I am amazingly ok with all of this.
Some kind of peace is within me that I have never known before.
I like how I have lived my life, met my challenges, raised my kids, been there for my mom.
I find no fault in how I handled these jobs, relationships, responsibilities.
I love each person in my life for who they are or what they tried to be.
I respect them, each and all.
People bare a bunch of anger towards moms in their life. I did at one time.
I realized very early that this was not healthy for me.
I forgave my mom first.
She never asked for my forgiveness, nor did she think I needed to forgive her.
Later I learned to accept who she is and rarely took personally the many ways she mistreated me.
I also began to see that she was loving me in the very best way she could, certainly not in ways that I would love.
I learned to just be cool with all of that.
My mom is with me in my heart at every moment. When she first passed away, I really missed talking to her. We talked every day. So I would pretend to call her on my cell phone and have conversations about this and that with her.
Now, the missing daughter is another story. She has been pissed off at me for many many many years. I accept her anger. I apologize for my betrayal of her trust (that is the only way I can explain what occurred between us). I accept that I cannot be the mom she demands of me.
I am not giving up, I realize that for us to have any kind of healthy relationship, I cannot allow her to lord over me. She is a tough cookie. She has cut me out of her life, but I have not cut her out of mine.
I love her, her daughter, her boyfriend every single moment of every single day. Not allowing me to love her and her family hurts her far more than it hurts me. I have not stopped loving them.
So, being a mom, having a mom, raising a mom. Tough. Real. No regrets.
Happy Mom’s day to my mom friends. We know what a hard road this has been to hoe.
Comments (14)
Well written Cassi. It’s sad that it took losing my mom to realize just how much I appreciate and need her. Hopefully your daughter will turn around and come back to you.
yes, indeed a hard row to hoe!! you hoe’ed well!!
A great, great post!! Happy Mothers Day Cassi, Love, Vi
Cassi, this is hands-down the best post I’ve ever read. I have tears in my eyes. I have seen you in action, and I know every word of this post to be true. You have helped me see things in a new light; you amaze me. I hope your daughter will be developing the strength she needs in this distance she has created, so she can realize she can set boundaries without having to throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. Beautiful.
Happy Mother’s Day.
I think you have a great attitude. We have to accept people as they are. They do the best they can do and we do the best we can do. And we try to help each other.
this is so perfect. thanks
happy mom’s day to you, too, Cassi – early. I hope some day your daughter comes around. she will. you have a great attitude.
hugs,
johnno
That is beautiful. It shows a lot of self-reflection, willingness to forgive the self which is often the hardest step in the healing process. Everyone has to learn forgiveness, as well as acceptance of our own mistakes.
Often when one is so close in a relationship, words are not able to heal things. Often distance is healing on many levels.
Everyone one wants something very personal from the ones we love. It it is hard to ask what is wanted and it is difficult to express our needs from others.
Happy Friday, and Cinco de Mayo!
i am so discombobulated that I actually thought it was friday the 5th… tis the sixth of May, oy vay.
I was thinking of Tommy & Dick when I saw your header.
How do you manage to write something that makes me both happy & sad at the same time?
Cassi. I feel you. Motherhood is tough. But love overcomes all.
Awwww. I like you.
one day she will realise what she has missed… and deprived her daughter of
Don’ t worry Casssi , Jocelyn has her mood but she will come back soon because you are her mom and you always have been a good mom for her . Who would not love you, a so kind , openminded and welcomig woman like you ? you have been struggling enough . Time will make its work .
Much love
Michel